My Amazing Mama

I hate getting behind in writing...thats why I never keep a journal consistently because I get behind and then I stop writing. Its hard for me to write what was when there is new that is.

I will try to get some of the highlights of the crazy last week because I want to remember them later....

The night I decided to go off of pain medication I was on the pain medication and still feeling kind of crappy. I watched a movie. It seems like I do not understand what comedies are these days because I keep trying to watch comedies and they are not funny and either about some sweet romance or about some kid who gets picked on in school...okay I watched the Jewish Hammer and that was kind of funny and not about either of those things. I am realizing that the romances are being hard for me because long term fulfilling romantic partnership is something I still have not experienced in my life. Before this diagnosis I was feeling at peace with where I was at with not having that but knowing that I would like it to come. When I watch the romance movies I feel sad because I know that it is possible now that it will never happen, that is if I die sooner than I expect to. Anyway, I just finished watching a pretty good one and thought... "I want my mom to come in." In about two seconds she came to the door... she has started coming to my telepathic calls now... I asked her to cuddle with me, not knowing what we were in store for. Shortly after she began to cuddle with me I started crying, but not a little cry, an opening of the flood gates. Crying, moaning, sobbing.... She quickly realized that talking was not where it was at and that she had what I needed which was to just hold me and support me in my release. During the release I realized I was scared to take off the pain patch and that I needed to overcome that fear. She held me while I tore it off, knowing that her job would become much harder as my pain kicked back in over the next few days, but she did not try to stop me.