Have I learned yet what you are trying to teach me. I thought that I learned a lot the first time around. You know, it really would have been enough. I really learned a lot. I am not quite sure what you are hoping I will get out of this time around. I mean, sure when I heal again it will certainly make my belief in healing that much stronger, but I was getting there you know. I was feeling pretty confident about healing. Do you think this is the only way to help me work through my shit with my parents? I am pretty sure we could have found slightly less traumatic ways to do that too. Is this your sense of humor. Maybe if I am in the right mood I might be able to understand it and even think it is a little funny, but not very funny, and for the most part I am not really in the mood in which I can see the humor in this. Its not funny you know.
You know, if you wanted me to experience being pregnant, there are other ways to do that. Like I could actually get pregnant to experience being pregnant. The lump from my liver is too high up, not very believable anyway. Also, when your pregnant you know it will eventually end. You know, May was 9 months and now things are overdue, not very safe for pregnancy. I didn't need to experience having curly hair that much and I could have used a curling iron or something if I really wanted to and also Sara is the only one I know that had that as a side effect of pregnancy. I was happy with my hair the way it was, I didn't need to experience having the thicker shinier hair that some pregnant people get. I know what it is like to get winded really easily and to not like smells and to feel like there is not enough room in my abdomen. So really universe you would have been much better off making me get pregnant to experience pregnancy. I guess I have more control over whether I get pregnant or not so it would have been harder for you to take control. Oh, I see now.
Anyway Universe. Thank you for your care and concern that I learn new and poignant lessons but .... oh no.... I almost asked for a break... but... every time in the last few years that I ask for a break you have a way of surprising me with more of the same or worse.. shit..... does that happen if I even just think it..... No, I am taking control here Universe. It is time to accept that I have learned enough lessons for now on this topic. I am sure there will be others for me to learn.... like maybe you could help me learn that not everything has to be hard to be useful. Teach me lessons about ease. Did I learn that one too fast. I sure was feeling lovely ease when I went to Northampton. But I think there is still a lot more for me to learn about joy and bliss and ease.....