Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Perfect 10

Last night was the hardest night yet. The pain was a 10. Now I know what they were looking for when they asked me that. The pain medication took a long time to kick in because as it turns out my stomach was full of food still hours after I ate.

My parents had to witness me moaning and groaning in my efforts to deal with the pain. In addition to add to their feelings of helplessness, when I am in this state I seem to prefer to be alone.

My self diagnosis..... the stent is blocking the pancreas from being able to release its business into the small intestine. It pretty much feels like something is going to explode when this happens. I sure hope that my self diagnosis is wrong.

I had all sorts of plans for what I would do this week.... go to the Ibex tent sale which I have wanted to go to for years, go to Melany's to get some acupuncture, go to Boston to see Cecil's band play...... I am pretty sure none of this will happen.

I am feeling sad and scared. Being able to eat feels like the key to living in this. When eating becomes a dreaded activity I find it hard to stay optimistic.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sad that you experienced a lot of pain last night and hope that the pain becomes a 1 really soon, because I want you to be able to do those things you want to do and want you to be filled with health. It's what I'm envisioning for you these days.