Thursday, December 10, 2009


I just finished my second round of chemo. Now I get to learn about the side effects. The first round didn't teach me much because I was so sick anyway that I don't know what was from the chemo and what just was. So far I feel very tired and blah. I feel a little nauseated but not much. Definitely spurring on the depression. I also am retaining water again from all of the fluids they gave me. It makes me feel kind of heavy and bogged down.

I went to Tom Tam today and while I was waiting to be seen, Eleanor, the woman who has offered to do free phone treatments for me was there. She admitted that the reason she was drawn to me was my hairy legs. I was the first person who had come through who had hairy legs like her. You never know when they will come in handy.

I shaved my head the other day. Actually my sister did it. I like the way it looks. It is patchy from the parts that already fell out. My dad also shaved his head in solidarity. It looks good.

I don't know what to do with myself.


  1. keep your head up tamar, you are an amazing person! Kaela

  2. Sending you so much love and a big hug. I am here for you always.


  3. I'm glad the second round is over...and hopeful that it has done it's job. I'm glad you are still seeing Tom Tam. Ha ha--I knew there was a good reason not to shave one's legs :-)

  4. If I were you, I think I would try to find a Japanese garden and get out of my head. I don't know what it's like to have my individuality/ego re-enforced by such physical discomfort and pain, but my guess is that it's a lot of pressure. I would look for some sort of release from that, some kind of mental perspective outside of my own.

    I know that when I am down or depressed, it helps at least a little bit to think about the wonders of nature. Imagine being something else- a meteor in outer space, billions of miles away, unbelievably cold, flying through space, or being the inside of the sun, or being a mountain, changing over millions of years, sloughing off stones and growing trees. It is all very weird, and neither good nor evil, but it leans toward beauty.

    I don't know if this helps you, but I personally think that everything is natural. We can truly change things sometimes- other times we can't. I especially like a quote from Kurt Vonnegut's book, "Cat's Cradle":

    "You cannot make a mistake".

    Much love, Tamar :)

    -Peter M

  5. Hi Tamar,

    Where's the shaved head photos? I for one think you'll look awesome and want to see.

    Does the chemo make the leg hair fall out? Does that affect your access to free Tom Tam?


  6. Here with you, sending love and light. Lu