Friday, January 15, 2010

Update (written on the 15th but only posted today the 25th)

Physically I have been feeling quite well. In general any ailments that I have do not seem to be related to cancer but rather they might be related to weight gain. I cant be sure but when I lost a lot of weight I noticed that all of my joints, particularly my lower back, felt great. Not soreness like I tend to experience. I also noticed that my skin became really clear. I couldn't fully appreciate these things though because I felt so horrible in other ways. Now I am almost at my normal weight and my lower back and hips have been quite sore and my skin is not so clear. It makes me think I should just stop eating most foods. Its nice that I feel well enough that the ailments are just my normal things. I suppose that I should be happy to just be alive but now that I have experienced the ease of movement and no joint and lower back stuff I realize that those aches do not need to be there, and I could feel even better.

Emotionally I think the depression has lifted. I am now joyfully feeling sadness, anger, confusion, loss, fear, and frustration as my body begins to integrate all that has happened over the last four months. I have never felt so much joy in feeling these emotions. I like it so much better than the numb space that I was in for the last couple of months.

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