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Pills Pills Everywhere
Lots of Pills Everywhere
Pills are everywhere

Today I went to the Naturopath. I was planning on letting him go from my health team. It turns out that in person he was much more attentive. He seemed to listen. He answered my questions. He responded to my telling him that the diet wasn't really working with a new diet that will definitely work better and a suggestion for a cookbook to buy. He explained the results of my blood tests.... Had some high growth factors and some depressed immune system stuff. Gave me more pills, took me off some of the others. The new set includes the active chemical in turmeric, niacin, and Coenzyme Q10 all of these things are things I have been thinking about....now I feel more on the same page with him. Also he gave a recommendation for a pain medication that does not suppress the immune system or have side effects that need to be treated with another chemical the way oxycodon does.Hopefully the oncologists will prescribe it for me on Friday when I see them. I do not think I will stick to the timing of his regimen, that is to say I will probably go a little long before the next blood test. For now though it feels good.

I also consulted with two energy healers. I got different things from each. All helpful. The second one, a midwife friend of my sisters friend was super intense. She is not going to let me get away with any shit or any laziness in relating to my healing process. There is no riding on all the praise I have been getting for how I have been dealing with this whole thing with her..... she seems ready to push me to deeper and deeper levels.... and this wasn't even an official appointment with her. I got off the phone and proceeded to decompress by watching television and binging on sugary goodness (there are cookies hidden all over this house, I cant believe this was my first binge...hopefully I will self "medicate" like that again). Probably she didn't intend for that to be my reaction but I apparently had to enjoy a little self destruction in order to become prepared for the depth that she had to offer. I just want this healing thing to be easy..... living is like a full time job these days. And how do I convince myself that I don't just want to take the narcotic that I am on right now which makes me feel great and have amazing healing visualizations and feel like writing and have some connection with he me I know better...... Its not every day that moms get all smiley and excited when they see you taking narcotics.... my mom loves it....she hugs me and gives me a kiss when I do it...I think it is nice for her to see that I am still in here somewhere... It gives her ease, we can smile and laugh together. She likes to know that I am not in pain and giving myself a break.... it is definitely becoming harder to convince myself not to do it. Maybe this is the part of my journey where i learn to empathize with people who have addictions.