Why ...why....why...
I dont understand.... i thought paid for enough the first time around....
why does my body have to act different
both tom and my doctor said yes...it is very odd that the liver came back.
i want to feel good
i want to be healthy
i want to go have fun
i want to eat
i want to know what to eat
i am so so so so sad
why
I always thought that if i died i really hoped it wasnt a slow one
not live and not death
i want to play
play play
i want to swim
i dont suggest being around me..... i am sooooo sooo mean...
i have no control of how horrible I am acting
the chemo isnt very bad.... no this is all just as bad as i was without the chemo
how can i learn that life has joy again
how am i going to just think that life is really really cruel
maybe the chemo is starting to change things but it is soooo small i cant tell
my compter seems like it is going to turn on fire...it is so hot...
please dont add that.... i cant deal with that
fuck fuck fuck
i want to be able to play and i cant yet
i get a few minutes to dream about fun
but it goes away
i am a miserable human being
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Hi Tamar,
ReplyDeleteI feel your misery, frustration and pain. Its hard to hear but thank you so much for sharing it so openly with the world.
And though you may have trouble feeling it right now, I know you are a brave, strong, loving, caring wonderful person who is loved by so many people.
I wish I could send you fun and food and joy. Its hard enough to send a virtual hug, much less some fresh young kale from the garden wet with dew or a game of ultimate and a swim in the pond.
But I'll try my best to send them all in whatever energetic way I can.
With love and healing,
Tony
Hi Tamar,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say, "I believe in miracles."
Chin up. There are brighter days ahead.
Sending healing thoughts your way,
~Sandra
Hello Tamar,
ReplyDeleteJust recently viewed this on you tube, and immediately thought of you. After listening to it I replayed it, and heard what he said at the beginning. I knew then that I needed to share with you.
He was one of my favorite musicians when I was a teenager - This was and still is my all time favorite song.I hope this inspires you, as it did me.
Here are the lyrics that go with it:
The Wind
I listen to the wind
To the wind of my soul
Where I’ll end up well I think,
Only God really knows
I’ve sat upon the setting sun
But never, never, never, never
I never wanted water once
No, never, never, never
I listen to my words
But they fall far below
I let my music take me
Where my heart wants to go
I’ve swam upon the devil’s lake
But never, never, never, never
I’ll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wf0VP01JauQ
Tamar... Love, just love... M
ReplyDeleteGirl, you have a right to be angry. This totally sucks. Your reactions are perfectly reasonable and appropriate. So you are mean right now. You are not Buddha. It's ok.
ReplyDelete